i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
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What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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