you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize