i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
