just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
