I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize