im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
