We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
