It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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