ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???