We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
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I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.