Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
