She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
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Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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