i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
