My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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