My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
