I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
