Small penises have feelings too.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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