You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
