He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
