I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
