I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
