You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
