If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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