i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
