The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
