Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
