I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
