i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
