Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
