This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
