So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
