I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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