I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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