so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
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dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
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I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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