Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
