Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize