The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
