Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's Friday. Sex?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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