What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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