i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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