I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
