matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
