once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pants are for mortals
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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