Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
