Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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