I feel like I'm in dance class right now
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
