I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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