Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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