so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
