The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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