i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
