We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
