jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He shit in the fireplace
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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