So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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