the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
