Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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