Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
