put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
