She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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