well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
