I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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