You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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