i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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