you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
